Okay, I honestly went apeshit when I heard about the BEYOND adorable four-month-old boy who was denied insurance coverage because of his “weighty” pre-existing condition. Yes, 17 pounds is big for a four-month-old but pudgy babies are infinitely cuter. It’s been (probably) scientifically proven that fatter babies live longer. I mean, look at the holocaust. Those kids? NOT A CHANCE (oy veh, I’m going to hell). Anyway, before I douse myself with any more verbal lighter fluid, I will attempt to explain the logic that these insurance companies must have been working with:
“I mean clearly the kid is a huge fatass. Maybe if he lays off the baby formual and spends less time being a crib potato, then he can spend more time doing baby aerobics and baby yoga like all the other normal four-month-olds. Obesity is a national problem and as long as this tiny tot looks like a tater tot, he can’t be covered. What if he gets a baby heart attack because his baby cholesterol is too high? He’s even spilling out of his onesies…”
Perhaps this is why healthcare needs to be reformed. What’s next? Denying skinny toddlers coverage because they’re anorexic?
…
…
…SERIOUSLY?????!!!!
Meet two-year-old Aislin Bates. She weighs 22 pounds and is perfectly healthy, yet cannot find health coverage due to her “pre-existing condition.” What. The. Fuck? What are these people thinking? Probably:
“Maybe if little Aislin enrolled in some self-esteem workshops and stopped counting her calories (she can only count to 10 so this severely limits her food choices) she could gain the weight she desperately needs and we could cover her. But she can’t gain TOO much weight because that will be a new pre-existing condition since it didn’t exist prior to existing and in order to exist now it would have to replace her former pre-existing condition.”
Fuck. that. shit.
So apparently, the lesson here is this: Kids, embrace an unhealthy lifestyle because you’re probably not eligible for insurance coverage anyway…and you’ll go broke because of it…and you’ll die anyway. However, not from obesity or anorexia, but from getting run over by a bus. Because that’s how life works.
HOW CAN YOU DENY THIS FACE????!!!
